Friday, June 5, 2009

2 Timothy 1:7

Yesterday was one of the scariest days Brad and I have ever had. Brad left work early to go to the doctor with me. My appointment had gotten cancelled the day before and rescheduled for yesterday at 1:30 so I was very anxious to get to my appointment. It was the big day when we were going to get to hear our precious new baby's heartbeat. The sound that I had been praying for and longing to hear for the past 5 weeks.

Dr. Kassam came in and met Brad and then told me that all of my blood work looks great and you know the rest of the drill. It was finally time to hear the heartbeat. Dr. Kassam tried for several minutes to locate the heartbeat all the while telling me that everything sounds great and it is still early to hear the heartbeat. He asked his nurse to go get a different sonogram machine and he continued trying to find the heartbeat for several minutes while trying to reassure Brad and me that it is still very early and everything is just fine. I was trying to remain calm and composed and screaming out in my head and heart to God to just let me me hear a heartbeat. Please Lord let me hear my baby's heartbeat. Brad looked concerned and started rubbing my arm. I think he could sense my panic. My biggest fear seemed to be coming true. Dr. Kassam must have sensed my fear because he asked if I would like an early ultrasound to check on everything and I said PLEASE!

While we were waiting for an appointment to be scheduled at RMC in the outpatient center I tried to not let the tears start rolling but they did. Molly, who works in the front office kept telling me that everything would be ok, but all I wanted was to get out of there so I could have my breakdown. When we got in the car the tears just started falling like crazy and Brad said it would be ok. Then he asked me how early we heard Braden's heartbeat and when I said 8 weeks he broke down also knowing that I was at 10 1/2 weeks already.

We had an hour to spare before our ultrasound appointment so we sat in the car and prayed for our baby and for peace if we were going to lose our baby. We didn't want to call and upset our parents so I called Lori to ask her to pray for us and some of the girls from our church were over for a play date and they started praying for us. I kept remembering what one of the ladies in my bible study class Wed. night had said while 4 of us pregnant ladies were discussing our fears and worries. She quoted 2 Timothy 1:7 which is a verse I'm sure all of us are familiar with: For God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control. I kept repeating this over and over in my head while we were waiting for the ultrasound and I felt a spirit of peace come over me.

When we went back for the ultrasound we finally saw our baby with a BEATING heart! Thank you Jesus! Brad saw it right away and said there is the heart and then tears started rolling down his cheeks again. Do you see why I love my husband?

Thank you Lord for our new precious baby. Thank you for a heart that beats.

Baby Hoffman

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